Joy in His presence

The Lord is so amazing, it's almost hilarious. Sometimes He freaks me out with His knowledge of my every need. I'm doing a Beth Moore study on the fruits of the Holy Spirit. At the same time, I'm still struggling with depression and wrestling with an attitude that needs some major adjustment. Well, God isn't stupid, so of course, He knows all this. I forget sometimes while I'm working on my homework for this study that He hears me thinking "yeah, yeah, yeah, joy...whatever. Let's just get this over with."

While rushing through the homework last week, an interesting thing happened. I was thinking about how the study "wasn't working" on me (while God probably sat in all of His glory laughing his head off at my ridiculous attitude.) and I started trying to remember the last time I really felt like I even heard from God. Or at least in a way that was blatantly obvious to my thick human nature. While scribbling answers to questions about verses I was barely skimming, I was remembering a really neat word I received from the Almighty several years ago.

I was fighting a spiritual battle involving some guilt and regrets from from the past and it was really taking a toll on me. We were at church one Sunday, and the praise team introduced a new song (well, new to us, anyway). Lyrics (emphasis added):

Verse 1
By your great and endless mercy
We have all been born anew
And by Your death and resurrection
You did what I could never do and

(chorus)
I’m amazed, I am amazed
At what Your word tells me You did
I’m amazed, I am amazed
You gave it all so I might live
And I’m amazed with You

Verse 2
Upon a cruel and barren hill
You willingly laid down Your will
You took my sin and stole my sorrows
From my past and my tomorrows

Verse 3
I am bound for paradise
And it is real, and it is right
To believe your words in black and red
That You’ll come back just like you said and

Well, let's just say it was one of those times that He was trying to present me with some comfort in the happenings of everyday life. Enter: thick human shield. I enjoyed the song and all, but failed to see its significance in my current battle. God took care of that. Mr. Bill (Love this man. He's in his 80s and when he speaks a word from the Lord, you darn well better listen.) came up to me after praise and worship with his song lyric sheet all folded up. (This was back in the day when we were power-pointless.) He handed me the sheet and I could see the sheet was folded so that only the following lyrics were visible:

You took my sin and stole my sorrows
From my past and my tomorrows

He said these words to me: "God wanted me to show you these words. I don't know why, but I'm sure you do, so I thought I better do what He told me to. You take those words with you now, you hear?"

Ok, Lord. I heard that. Loud and clear.

Well, I've played this memory over in my mind several times in the last week, longing for that kind of word and comfort again. Which brings me to the interesting thing that unfolded today. Like I said, I've been back in the depression battle, and this week's fruit of study is joy. Great. Just what I'm NOT in the mood for. God knows that, obviously.

The first days of the study were mostly concerning our source of joy. This is where the "yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't handle the thoughts of how little joy I have from these things." I didn't want to dwell on this problem with my relationship with Him, so this is where I spent little time skimming before checking Bible Study off my list of things to do.

Today He slowed me down. The title of the study was Abiding Joy. I started my daily skim and began to wonder how I could remain in a joy I don't have right now. The study was about a page and a half longer than the other days this week and I was was also starting to skim faster in a race to finish before the kid woke up. (It was about ten when I started. Normal kids would have already been up for three hours. Thank you, Jesus, for my child.)

When I turned to the "extra" page, guess what the subtitle was? "We may lose our joy", and it talked about Elijah's depression in I Kings (chapter 19). The third point Beth makes on times that we may lose our joy was when we become "wonder junkies". She explains this really well, so I'll skip trying to recap and give it to you straight:

"Elijah had grown accustomed to seeing God in the midst of magnificence. He had seen God in such miraculous circumstances that he missed Him as the joy in the midst of the mundane. He looked for God in the wind, the earthquake, and the fire, but he did not find Him there. I am convinced that the most intimate times we ever will spend with God will be listening to His gentle whispers. It is there that we will find true [joy]." (Emphasis added and Greek translated.)

Thanks for the extra-loud whisper, Lord. I'm glad You know how hard of hearing I am. It set me up to receive the other interesting tidbit-the last sentence Beth wrote in today's study: "If you've lost your joy, it's right where you left it-in His presence." Let me just say that I'm not necessarily marveling at the revelation of this sentence. In fact, I kind of thought "duh." Followed by "ok, wait for the whisper...OH! What's that, Lord? You inspired that sentence in this study because You knew people (me) need reminded those things sometimes (often). Thanks!!"

Some people who read this may think I'm off my rocker (well, I guess that's not so far from true!) or that I'm just not intelligent enough to find any other answers so I depend on religion instead. Think what you will, but I'm finding there is enough trial and hurt and heartache and other scary things in this world without me missing the joy that comes only from the Father. Can I please get as easily hooked on resting His presence as I can on facebook applications? That would be awesome.

Oh, and also, His grace in spite of my lack of discipline and slow start this morning? The kid slept till eleven.