Ok. So I know it's not Friday yet (and also that I missed like three Fridays since I declared "Favorite Stories Friday"...) but I just read this note on facebook and literally laughed out loud at my own self. So either I'm really conceited or truly hilarious. I'll let you judge. (And if you pick conceited that's fine-I'll still think I'm hilarious anyway so it won't matter a bit.)
I intended to edit and rewrite stories that I've previously written for this occaison, but I'm lazy at getting this started so I pretty much copy-pasted this one. Judge that, too if you want. Won't hurt my feelings; I already know I'm lazy.
*Eh Hem* Here goes:
Don't you love it when your children act foolish in public? I mean, they wouldn't want to act that way in private. No strangers would be around to hold up a "9.5" scorecard for the "Your Mom's Failure Rating" system.
Shortly after moving back to my hometown last year (too bad no one I know witnessed this-that adds points to my Fail score), we were at WalMart buying some more things off the "I thought we owned this but can't seem to find it since we moved even though we're completely unpacked" list. (I like to give my lists very long titles. Saves me money since it takes up so much space on the paper, because there's barely room left for actual items.)
Anyway, I'm chatting with the super nice lady that checked us out last week (because it's my full time job to go to the store now. I can't just do it once a month anymore. Crap.) I had given Gracie a few things to throw on and was putting the last items on the belt, still chatting with the cashier. Grace began tell the elderly lady behind us what a big girl she was for helping mommy and continued to sweet talk her for a few more minutes (which of course the lady was eating with a spoon). But THEN...the lady inched up her buggy...didn't even REACH for the divider bar or THINK about placing items on the belt (which would have been acceptable, since I was already signing my check.) and my sweet little child went Jekyll and Hyde on the old lady.
"NO NO NO! STOP! It's not your TURN!" she wailed.
"Oh Lord," I prayed silently, "please tell me I bought dog food on this trip. I need an excuse for why I'm now ducked under the grocery cart."
The lady looked rather shocked. I can't say I blame her.
"GRACIE!" I hissed from my safe haven rack under the cart.
"Mommy! She's pushing her buggy and it's not her turn!" Really? The lady was like 70...I think it was her turn before either of us or WalMart even existed!
"Gracie! It IS her turn! Stop that!"
"Mom!" I think I forgot to mention that she stated to me the other day that she was too big to say Mommy. I told her if that was the case, then I was too little to fix her food, wash her clothes, etc.
Anyway, I made MUCH haste in finishing my transaction (the cashier turned her light off...I wonder, was it already break time, or did my child drive her to break time?) gave all appropriate looks of "gee I'm really embarrassed that my kid's being a turd. sorry about that!" and put the buggy in fifth gear.
Needless to say, the kid got the full name followed by many "unacceptables" on the way out the door.
I got all the groceries in the car and started to put her in the car seat when she reminded me that in our last aisle of shopping she had told me she needed to potty. I had forgotten during the fit. Now I'M the bad guy. She always wins.
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