Favorite Story Friday: Change in Her "Pocket"!

This story may never be outdone, and it may always remain at the top of my favorite list, so I felt it appropriate for it to be displayed during Favorite Story Friday!

September 2009 (The Kid is 2.5 at the time of this event)

I finally went to the store the other day for the big "stock the new kitchen" trip, and I explained to the kid "we're going to the store and it's going to take awhile, so you're going to have to be a big girl and help mommy, no whining" etc, etc. My child, who has odd favorites for her age(including her preference for Captain D's over McDonald's), became OVER exuberant with the idea of going to the grocery store and immediately began excited preparations for the big trip. She was running through the house almost as fast as her mouth was running as it spewed a list of contents she needed to find.

"Wait mommy! I will help you! Let me find my list. Where's my keys? I need my phone in case Connie calls me."

"I have all that stuff, let's just get your shoes on and go."

So she ran back to the living room and pulled open a drawer in the end table where Brandon has been stashing change and exclaims,

"Let me get some money case I need to buy something at the store, ok?"

"Ok, give it to me and I'll put it in my pocket for you to pick out something if you're good." I couldn't help one last bribe.

"No, that's ok, I'll put it in MY pocket." She's too smart for me. But wait! I realize I haven't been outsmarted yet:

"Honey, you don't have pockets in your skirt!" I was proud of myself.

"Yes I do!" She exclaimed, in a very frustrated voice. Then out came the waistband of her skirt and down went the handful of change. Right down into her underwear. Oh well. What's the worst that could happen?

On the way to the store I started musing over that idea: the worst thing that could happen... Well, let's see...money's pretty dirty. I suppose she could get some kind of infection in her little girl parts and then I would have to explain to the pediatrician that it's perfectly normal for little girls to go around with pennies in their privates and no one did anything in the least unusual to her! That wouldn't be a big deal, right? Riiiiiight...

We arrived at the store and I shoved my fantasy aside, because regardless of how many times I've cleaned that area during the diaper season of her life and baths, I'm sure not fishing money out of it in the middle of the grocery store. That seems like a good way to entice a stranger to call child services.

Instead, I got busy with the shopping trip, went home, and unloaded in a hurry so that we could go on a previously promised bike adventure. I assembled the bike seat, strapped on helmets, whipped out our shades, and took off downtown to meet Mom. I didn't forget to mention removing the money from its cozy nest in my daughter's Dora panties. It didn't happen. I forgot about the change. Go ahead, judge if you want. I left pennies in my daughter's hoo-ha.

We reached Mom's office and the kid was thrilled to jump off the bike and run into the office to show off her helmet and sunglasses. It was only when mom questioned the sound did I remember.

"Gracie...why is your bum jingling?" Mom questioned.

"Oh, my Lord. Please tell me I didn't forget that change."
"I can't." He responded. "That would be a lie and I am not capable of lying."

When I returned from my silent prayer, this is the answer I heard from my child:
"My bum's jingly 'cause I got change in my pocket!!" She grinned real big and continued her run down the row of cubicles to Mom's office, jingling all the way.

"But you don't have any pockets in your skirt..." Mom started eyeballing me, probably judging me just like you are about now.

"Nope! Not in my skirt! In my PANTIES!!" She yelled down the hall for all the busy real estate agents anywhere in the building to hear. Awesome. We went on into Mom's office and closed the door. I proceeded to try to convince her to give up the loot, but she wasn't budging and I was already embarrassed, so I caved. I mean, heck, it's been there all day, what's it gonna hurt? The damage has already been done. So we went to lunch.

It was only after 30 minutes of her showing off for the ladies at the Sandwich Shop (or the "nice ladies' shop", as she refers to it) that real disaster struck. I asked her if she wanted to put some change from my wallet in the tip jar for the nice ladies that made our food. I thought it was a good teaching moment, but she proved me wrong again. She's awesome at that.

"No Mommy! I want to put MY money in!" she wailed. Everyone thought that was simply adorable. That's because they didn't know where she was storing it.

I tried to quietly insist otherwise, but I could see she wasn't going down without a real big fight. How quickly that teachable moment had changed. It also became clear while watching her try that she couldn't retrieve the coins herself. Seems every time she tried, her little arm was too short to reach the "pocket" in her sagging panties. Bending her knees, though try as she may, only drooped the pocket lower.

"Mommy! Please get it!" was her pitiful cry for help. I surrendered to my shame and very nonchalantly escorted her to the only corner in the small shop, which was made of a wall and the store front window. (Of course. Shops never have a private "retrieving pennies from your young daughter's privates" corner when you need one. I mean, I was lucky to find a nursing mother's room in public back in the breast feeding days.) As I reached down the front of my daughter's skirt and fished out all the money, I could only imagine what people walking down 9th Street must have thought as they looked in that window.

I was at least able to swap the money out for some of my own on our way to the tip jar, in case you were wondering.

Good times.