He Doesn't Need Me To

Anyone who knows me has probably figured out that I don't enjoy change. Even good change. I usually go in kicking and screaming. Even if it's a change I really need to make, I just can't handle the movement of the status quo. These days I feel the dramatic tremors of a pre-status quo quake. It makes me sweat a little.

I've been discussing this with the Lord (a step in the direction I really need to head), and I'm pretty sure He's shaking his head in exasperation at me. I know He loves me, but I sure end up heading in the wrong direction pretty often for someone who doesn't like to change her path. Based on my disdain for direction change, and the fact that I've been heading in the right direction before, I should be the equivalent of a female Billy Graham by now...I've yet to solve this problem.

Anyway, as I was saying, I was discussing this with The Man today while I vacuumed:

"Lord, I just clearly can't stay in relationship with You. I mean, have I learned anything in my whole life?? I can't even keep a house as well as my mom."

Still, small voice: "I don't need you to."

"You would think by now I would have at least picked up some of her parenting skills."

Still, small voice I'm still ignoring: "I don't need you to."

"And I'm never going to be a wife as selfless as my pastor's wife."

"I don't need you to."

"And I'm never going to be as wise a wife as my last pastor before him."

"I don't need you to."

"I'm never going to be as encouraging as my best friend."

"I don't need you to."

"And I'm never going to be as patient as her, either. Or as funny as my flute teacher."

"I don't need you to!"

"Or as faithful as...well...pretty much any example would do here. I mean, even the garbage man has it out for me, Lord! I know he does! Every time it rains, I look outside after pickup and all the other cans are upside down on the sidewalk and mine are right side up, collecting rain in the middle of the street! I just clearly cannot be as sensitive to others as my former student when I can't even keep the trash man happy!"

"I DON'T NEED YOU TO!!"

'What, Lord? Did you say something?" This is where I imagine the exasperated head shake.

The gist of what I received from Him after I finally realized He had something to say was that he doesn't need me to be all those other people. That's why he made them "them" and me "me". And he doesn't need me to "fix" things with relationship with Him. He's quite capable. I just need to brace myself for the shifting that is undoubtedly about to occur. Maybe I have learned something in all this time after all.

Now, if only I could remember to drink my tea before it gets cold.